I Used to Fear Bugs

Dec 16, 2022

I used to well and truly fear and despise bugs. They frightened me, they terrified me, I did not understand them. Everyone told me that I was right in my feelings. My fears were founded on the basis that they made me uncomfortable and I had no need to think otherwise.

I used to well and truly fear being queer. I thought I would be frightening, terrifying, and misunderstood. I was only a kid when I already felt like I was all those things.

When I was at work once, I saw a spider. It has been years since I've overcome my fear. It has been years since I accepted that I am queer. I got a paper to move the small animal outside to safety. A coworker smacked it out of my hands and killed it.

He told me that spiders and insects were horrible things, that if they all died he would be happy. I could not bring to him how they are animals, how they are important factors in the ecosystem, that they are not aware of what we can do to them and the pain we can cause them until it is too late. He didn't care about those things. He just thought they were scary and therefore, they should die. My coworkers agreed. They applauded his actions and told him he was right.

I couldn't help but silently mourn for the small being. One moment, it was alive and unaware of the danger it was in. The next, someone decided it was not worthy to exist based on his own disgust for it. I know that people look at me with the same disgust and think that I should suffer the same fate.

I no longer fear bugs. I fear people who hate them.